Recording our memories can help us deepen our connections with family and friends, reflect on our lives and give others a fuller picture of who we are. It can also help future carers understand what matters to us, especially if we become less able to communicate. 

We recently welcomed life story specialist, Rachel Lewis, to an online workshop for the My Future Care community. Hosted by our lead trainer, Nancy Cunningham, the session explored how recording life stories can preserve identity, support wellbeing and contribute to more personalised care. 

Drawing on 15 years’ experience with older people, family carers and people experiencing major life changes, Rachel shared practical advice for recording your own story or helping someone else. 

Sharing memories with family and friends 

Recording a life story can be a way to spend time together, share memories and help family and friends discover things they might never have known about us. Rachel described clients who kept their finished books on the coffee table, ready to show visitors and start a conversation. 

For some, recording a story is a way to pass on experiences, family history and lessons learnt. Rachel recalled working with a woman who created a book for her granddaughter to read on her wedding day, including the advice she would have wanted to offer in person. 

Creating a life story can be something you do together. Looking through photographs or talking about a favourite recipe gives family and friends an opportunity to ask questions, reminisce and enjoy each other’s company. As Nancy put it: “It’s about building stronger relationships and having fun doing it.” 

Seeing the person behind the care needs 

A life story book can help carers understand someone’s interests, relationships and experiences, particularly if that person finds it difficult to communicate. 

Rachel shared an example from research in which a man living in a care setting with dementia repeatedly lay under a table. Once staff learnt that he had worked as a mechanic, they started to understand him better. Inviting him out for a tea break helped them respond in a way that connected with his experience. 

The everyday details matter too. Favourite music, familiar routines and the things someone has always enjoyed can help others offer care that feels more personal.

Rachel suggested compiling a playlist of your favourite music and things you would still like to do. These lists can complement the plans and preferences you record in the My Future Care Handbook or on a Mycarematters Profile. 

Start with something small 

You do not need to write a whole autobiography. A photograph, a favourite recipe or a memory of somewhere important can be enough to begin. 

For those recording their own story, Rachel suggested choosing an approach that feels comfortable. You might work through different stages of your life, or focus on a theme such as work, travel or hobbies. A scrapbook, memory box or voice recording can be just as personal as a printed book. 

“It doesn’t have to be a historical account of dates, times, and places,” Rachel explained. 

If you are supporting someone else, start with curiosity. Ask about a photograph they have chosen to display, or invite them to tell you where they grew up. Give them time to answer and follow what interests them. 

“It should never ever seem like a test or an exam,” Rachel said. 

Keep the story in the person’s own words 

Rachel encouraged participants to preserve the expressions and turns of phrase that make someone’s voice distinctive. Family members can contribute, but the person telling the story should decide what goes into it. 

Minor disagreements, about dates for example, need not interrupt the process. The aim is to capture someone’s experience and what it means to them. 

It is also helpful to ask people why they want to record their story. Some people hope to pass memories on to family or friends. Others want to reflect on their life or help future carers understand them better. 

“People will want to tell their story for their own sake, not just for future generations,” Rachel reminded us. 

Respect what someone chooses to share 

Life story conversations can bring up painful memories, including grief, trauma or difficult relationships. Rachel stressed the importance of building trust, following the person’s pace and allowing them to leave things out. 

“You only put in the book what you’re comfortable with,” she said. 

For community groups and organisations, this means making clear what the project involves and who will see the stories. Rachel also emphasised that life story work is not therapy. People should feel free to pause, change the subject or decide that the activity is not for them. 

Where to go from here 

Whether you are recording your own story or helping someone else, Rachel suggests beginning with one photograph or object and the memories it brings back, then building from there at your own pace.

Thank you to Rachel for sharing her experience and practical advice, and to everyone who contributed to the discussion.
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To find out more about Rachel’s work, visit Presenting Your Past or The Life Story Team. 

If you’d like a template to prompt and guide you, Please Tell Me… a Life Story book and Please Tell Me More… a Life Story book are available on the My Care Matters website. 

Penny Shepherd shares some tips for how we can plan for our future if we don’t have “someone we trust”.

Much advice on planning for later life assumes we all have family or friends to help us consider our options and act as our lasting power of attorney or executor. For an increasing number of us, that isn’t true.

This article suggests how we can plan for our future if we don’t have “someone we trust”. It is based on research I have done for the national charity Ageing Without Children (AWOC) and conversations with AWOC members. The quotes below are all from AWOC members.

Here are some key things to consider:

• Discussing my options
• Clearing the decks and packing your bag
• Appointing a Lasting Power of Attorney and the alternatives to this
• Appointing an Executor and other considerations around wills and funerals

The issue

We may have no family or suitable friends, or we may have people of our own generation that we can ask to support us in the short term but no-one younger. And we may outlive our peers or they may be unable to help us when they become frail.

If we are wealthy or have a longstanding relationship with a trusted solicitor, that may meet our needs. But many of us feel our assets are not large enough to justify this or just baulk at the cost. In addition, a solicitor may be willing and able to manage our property and finances but not to make decisions about our health and welfare either because they don’t offer that service or just don’t know us well enough.

So what can we do?

Discussing my options

Consider using the free My Future Care Buddy Service to help you to explore your wishes if you don’t have a suitable friend or family member to talk with. Your buddy can help you consider your future care and what you want to happen after your death.

“My buddy was skilful, professional in approach and personable. She helped me think through my options for advance care planning and writing my will, and decide what to prioritise.”

Clearing the decks and packing your bag

It can be wise to prepare your home environment early. This may involve decluttering, downsizing, disposing of things you no longer need or want and streamlining your financial affairs. If you have “heirlooms but no heirs”, selling at auction is one way to transfer them to someone who will value them.

“My great-grandfather was on the Titanic and I am his last living descendant. I sold his naval medals at auction a few years ago, and just kept photographs of them. It wasn’t that I needed the money but rather that I was afraid they would eventually be disposed of by a house clearance company unaware of the Titanic connection. This way, they have gone to someone who knows and values their history.”  

The last time we leave our home, we may think we will return shortly. Instead, we may be discharged from hospital to a care home without the chance to gather together our essential papers for someone to manage our affairs or to use after death. It can be wise to prepare a pack of key documents (advance care plans, will, funeral wishes, list of assets, etc.) and store it in a “hospital bag” ready to go with you on your final trip or be easily located by a neighbour or relevant professional. Better ways to do this safely and securely (eg. using an online “information vault”) should become more available over time.

Appointing a Lasting Power of Attorney and the alternatives to this

Others have found the following approach useful if they don’t have a family member or friend to act as their Lasting Power of Attorney and don’t wish to use a solicitor:

1. Write Down Your Wishes and Key Information

Start by recording the information that someone would need to know about you to represent your interests in a discussion about your welfare or manage your property and finances. This includes making an Advance Statement, and making an Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment if you wish. Ask your GP surgery to store copies of your advance statement and any ADRT with your patient records and, if used in your NHS area, to arrange a ReSPECT form that highlights and reflects these and any other relevant information. Record/maintain details of your assets somewhere safe. See the My Future Care Handbook for how to do all of these.

2. Understand Best Interests Decision Making for Health and Welfare

If you lose capacity and don’t have an Attorney for Health and Welfare, professionals will make decisions “in your best interests” taking account of any information known about your values and wishes. For example, the British Medical Association publishes a toolkit for doctors on how to do this. In some circumstances, you may also be entitled to an Independent Advocate to help you to make your wishes known even when you lack the capacity to make a decision yourself. Understanding this process may help you to decide what information to record.

3. Understand Deputies

If you lose capacity and don’t have an Attorney for Property and Financial Affairs, an application will be made to the Court of Protection, often by your local social services department, to appoint a Deputy instead. This is usually a family member or friend (a “Lay Deputy”) if one is willing to play this role. If there is no suitable lay person then a professional is appointed. If you have very few assets, this may be the Local Authority responsible for your social care (a “Public Authority Deputy”). Otherwise, it will usually be a solicitor either identified by you in your planning documents, suggested by family and friends or taken from a panel of suitable professionals maintained by the Office of the Public Guardian (a “Panel Deputy” or “Deputy of Last Resort”). Deputies carry out the same tasks as Attorneys but are supervised by the Office of the Public Guardian and have to report on their activities to it. Deputyship is therefore a more rigorous process but with higher effort and costs involved. Your income and assets are used to meet all the costs including court fees, oversight fees and the charges made by professionals. However, allowable charges are set by the Court of Protection. In contrast, under the “light touch” approach designed for “someone you trust”, there is no independent oversight of fees charged by a professional attorney. Lay Deputies are not permitted to charge for their time but can claim expenses incurred. A Deputy can be appointed only by the Court of Protection after you lose capacity – you cannot do this yourself in advance.

In 2017, the BBC and others reported that former Court of Protection senior judge Denzil Lush recommended that a Deputy appointed by the Court of Protection was a more effective choice than a relative or friend acting under a Lasting Power of Attorney (‘LPA’). The judge said that he would never sign an LPA himself.

The Ageing Without Children webinar recording “Planning for Later Life Without Someone You Trust” gives further details.

Appointing an Executor and other considerations around wills and funerals

Other have found the following useful in considering how to plan for after death:

1. What will happen if I die away from home or without family or friends?

Older people dying alone tend to be identified – even if they collapse in the street far from home. Unidentified bodies are almost always of working age people, according to Dr Emma Tilley, an expert in missing persons. Nevertheless, it makes sense to carry simple id, such as your surname and partial postcode or the telephone number of an emergency contact if you have one. It can also be wise to carry a photograph of yourself to assist police enquiries, she says.

2. Who will arrange my funeral, and will my funeral wishes be acted on?

The local authority where you die is responsible for organising your funeral if there is no one else. They will seek first to find others to do this and establish if your estate can meet the cost. Today, a pre-paid funeral plan from a regulated provider may be the most reliable way to document your funeral wishes as there is no obligation on a local authority to identify your executor or find your will. However, if the details of your executor are easy to find, this increases the chance that they will be asked about your funeral wishes. Local authority responsibilities for locating information may change over time as the current arrangements are arguably not fit for purpose for the growing number of people who can afford the cost of their own funeral but have no-one to organise it.

“Ashes to Admin: Tales from the Caseload of a Council Funeral Officer” by Evie King gives a mainly heart-warming description of local authority funerals for people who die alone.

3. Should I consider a pre-paid funeral plan?

Since 2022, providers of pre-paid funeral plans have been regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority and it is no longer legal for unregulated providers to sell them. There is useful information online that rates and ranks the plans available. “Over 50s Plans” are a different financial product and informed commentators tend not to recommend them as an alternative.

4. Who should I appoint as my executor?

It can be wise to appoint an individual or charity as your executor if you can, even if they will use a solicitor or equivalent when the time comes.

If you are leaving a substantial donation to a charity, it is worth telling it your plans and asking if it will be your executor. This gives it the power to access your will before probate and, if it wishes, get quotes from solicitors and select the best one. Similarly, a trustworthy individual appointed as your executor does not necessarily have to wind up your estate themselves but will be able to get quotes from solicitors and select a suitable one.

If you name a solicitor as executor in your will, they may be more expensive than other options by the time of your death and/or may not act quickly as there is no-one with authority to chase them. And because a will which has not gone through probate is a private document, neither your beneficiaries or anyone else are entitled to know its contents until then or see any accompanying letters of wishes or other advisory instructions.

While it may be prudent to check that your proposed executor is willing to act, there is no obligation to do this. You don’t have to tell someone you have appointed them as your executor or show them your will. Your will is not invalidated if they predecease you or, after your death, lack capacity or refuse to act.

If you have very low assets and do not own a home, you might wish to consider using the Public Trustee as your executor, but this is likely to be the most expensive option otherwise.

5. What else might I consider when writing my will?

It is important to do all that you can to ensure that, after your death, your current will can be found. There are various ways to store your will securely and to register its existence, eg. with the government’s Courts and Tribunals service or in the privately-run National Will Register. It is also important to ensure that your executor can be identified as usually your will can be released only to them.

“I keep my executor’s name and telephone number in a locket that I wear at all times. Others have suggested semi-seriously getting this tattooed on their body.”

Ageing Without Children is developing a webinar “After Death Without Someone you Trust” that will consider these issues. A webinar recording should be online by end 2026.

Increasing numbers of us need to plan for our future without “someone we trust”. Advance care planning materials and support services need to evolve to better meet our needs. Meanwhile, I hope this article gives some useful ideas.

Penny Shepherd MBE is a trustee of Ageing Without Children (registered charity number 1195122) and a steering committee member of Ageing Without Children East Kent but write here in a personal capacity.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on Penny’s personal investigations and opinions and does not necessarily represent the views of any organisation she is associated with. Other or better options may be available. Penny is not legally qualified and none of her comments should be taken as personal or professional advice. Please do your own research.

We were privileged to host author, council funeral officer and former stand-up comedian, Evie King, at a recent online event for the My Future Care community. 

Evie gave a deeply humane and thought-provoking presentation on the realities of dying without leaving clear information behind, and the lessons this holds for all of us around planning ahead, care and communication.  

Drawing on her experience of arranging funerals for people without family support or financial means, Evie offered a rare insight into the practical and emotional chaos that can follow when someone dies without their wishes, paperwork or personal details properly documented.

Her talk was moving at times, while also using her wit and sharp eye for the absurdities of real-life situations to make conversations about death feel approachable and relatable. Her underlying messages were ultimately about life, relationships and care for the people left behind.

“Death is 90% Admin” 

Evie described death as “90% admin”, reflecting on the hours she has spent tracing next of kin, searching homes for paperwork, identifying accounts, finding wills and trying to piece together the basic facts of someone’s life. In many cases, she explained, she is left trying to reconstruct a person’s identity from scattered possessions, unopened letters or fragments of information gathered from neighbours and care staff. 

She emphasised that the people who end up needing council funerals are not unusual or irresponsible. Often, they are simply ordinary people whose lives became more complicated through illness, bereavement, estrangement, dementia or financial hardship. 

“They’re not tragic outliers,” she explained. “They’ve mostly just had something go wrong that could go wrong to all of us.” 

This perspective shaped much of the talk. Rather than presenting death planning as something only relevant to older people or those with large estates, Evie framed it as an ordinary and necessary part of life.

“Our Wishes Have to Survive Us” 

A key message was that conversations alone are not enough. Wishes need to be written down. 

Throughout her work, Evie repeatedly encounters situations where funeral preferences, care wishes or personal information have been verbally shared but never formally recorded. Once someone becomes seriously ill, develops dementia or loses the ability to communicate, those wishes can easily disappear. 

“Wishes have to survive us,” she said. 

She described cases where body donation plans had been lost during care transitions, where families disagreed about funeral arrangements because nothing had been documented, and where people entered care homes with almost no personal information attached to them at all.

Identity, Dignity and the “Small Things” 

One particularly moving part of the talk focused on identity and dignity in later life and care settings. Evie reflected on how small details, the things that make someone themselves, are often lost when planning has not happened. 

“The small things are so important,” she explained, describing how something as simple as recording how someone likes their tea, what television programmes they enjoy, or the music they love can help preserve personhood when someone becomes non-verbal or seriously ill. 

To help address this, Evie strongly encouraged people to create a centralised “if I die” information pack containing key contacts, wills, funeral wishes, account details, care documents and practical information, all stored in one place. Even incomplete notes, she argued, can make an enormous difference. 

“As long as you’ve written something,” she said, “is a start.”

Why Wills Matter 

The talk also explored the emotional and legal importance of Wills. Evie stressed that Wills are not simply about inheritance, but about who gets to make decisions after death. 

She described difficult real-life cases involving estranged relatives, former partners and blended families, where legal next-of-kin rules placed decision-making power in the hands of people the deceased may not have chosen themselves. For unmarried couples, LGBTQ+ people and people with complicated family dynamics, she stressed the importance of legally naming trusted individuals to avoid conflict and exclusion. 

“Families can actually fall apart during this period if you haven’t put something in place,” she warned.

Talking About Death More Openly 

Alongside these serious themes, the talk also contained warmth, humour and a refreshing openness about death. Evie encouraged people to think more creatively and personally about funerals, challenging the idea that funerals must follow a rigid template. From unconventional music choices to environmentally friendly funeral methods and deeply personal rituals, she argued that funerals should reflect the individuality of the person being remembered. 

Importantly, she also challenged the wider culture of avoidance around death. Rather than seeing death conversations as depressing, she suggested they can actually help people live more intentionally and appreciate life more fully. 

“There’s a lot of life in death,” she reflected, “and affirming stuff in the process of thinking about it.” 

Throughout the webinar, Evie balanced practical advice with compassion and honesty. Her message was clear. Planning ahead is not about being morbid. It is about reducing confusion, protecting dignity, supporting loved ones and making sure that, even at the end of life, people are still recognised as themselves.

We are hugely grateful to Evie King for sharing her time and experience with the My Future Care community. Her talk powerfully reinforced the importance of the work being done by the organisations, staff and volunteers partnering with us to support people in their communities to plan ahead with greater confidence, clarity and dignity. Across care, community and voluntary organisations, these conversations can make a profound difference to how people experience later life, serious illness and bereavement.

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Evie King’s first book, Ashes to Admin, is about her job arranging council funerals. Her second, Get Ahead of Being Dead: Your Handy Planner for the End of Life is coming out in June 2026. She is an ambassador for the missing persons and cold case charity, Locate International, and heads up the UK training programme for council funeral workers. 

Take advantage of our free training and ongoing support programme. Our online training will equip your team to help the people you work with make an action plan and see it through, using the My Future Care Handbook as a source of information and structure for the conversation. Handbooks are available free in certain areas (thanks to area-specific funding), otherwise bulk prices are available.

Request further information.

What kind of support do you provide, and who do you provide it to?

We provide a pre-care ‘home help’ service, usually for older people, but also for some younger people who are living with additional challenges. This can include people with visual impairments, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or ME, as well as those with mobility issues or other physical needs.

Our support is designed to be flexible and responsive, depending on what each person needs. That might include light cleaning, cooking, dog walking, running errands, accompanying people on trips out, helping with technology, or supporting with day-to-day admin.

At its heart, the service is about making everyday life that bit easier, while helping people maintain their independence and continue living in a way that feels comfortable and familiar to them.

What kind of challenges do the people you work with face when it comes to making plans for later life and beyond?

For many people, one of the biggest challenges is simply not having the time or space to think these things through. Family members may live far away or have busy lives of their own, making it harder to have open conversations about the future.

Some people also experience social isolation, which can mean they don’t have anyone to talk things through with on a regular basis. This can make planning feel more daunting or something to put off.

In this context, having someone who can act as a sounding board, someone who will listen with empathy and without judgment, can make a real difference. Even informal conversations can help people begin to reflect on what matters to them and what they might want for the future.

How do you hope the My Future Care Handbooks and support will help you meet people’s needs better?

My experience of using the Handbook has been mainly positive. It’s a helpful resource, and I can see how it supports people to think through important aspects of later life planning in a structured and accessible way.

Most customers like to go through the Handbook in their own time, at their own pace. That independence is important, and it reflects how personal these decisions are.

The Handbook gives people a clear starting point and helps them organise their thoughts, which can then open up conversations when they feel ready. It also means that, when support is needed, those conversations can be more focused and meaningful.

Thank you to Gillian for sharing how you’re using the Handbook to support person-centred, proactive planning.

Feeling motivated by Gillian’s insights? Could you incorporate future care planning support into your group or service?

Take advantage of our free training and ongoing support programme. Our online training will equip your team to help the people you work with make an action plan and see it through, using the My Future Care Handbook as a source of information and structure for the conversation. Handbooks are available free in certain areas (thanks to area-specific funding), otherwise bulk prices are available.

Request further information.

We’re delighted to welcome Community People to the My Future Care community.

Based in Burgess Hill, the team have been sharing the My Future Care Handbook through their community activities. Following a local letter drop and door-knocking campaign reaching 350 households, visitors to their centre were encouraged to pick up a Handbook. They have also shared the Handbook with lunch club members, outreach workers supporting people in their homes, and participants in their Older Persons Forum.

It’s a great example of how the Handbook can be woven into existing community touchpoints to spark conversations about planning ahead and what matters most in later life.

We spoke to Dawn Langston, Centre Manager at Community People, to find out more.

What kind of support does Community People provide, and who do you provide it to?

We’re delighted to welcome Adam Reith as our Local Ambassador for Norfolk!

Adam brings rich experience from his time co-owning and managing a home care company in Norfolk. That work gave him a deep understanding of the challenges families face when navigating later life and care – and how important it is to make the process clear, supportive, and personal.

Adam says: “I’ve seen just how complex and emotional the care journey can be. My goal is always to make it easier to understand, less overwhelming, and more empowering for the people going through it.”

Adam will play an important role in building new partnerships with local organisations. He is already working alongside many excellent teams using the My Future Care Handbook – including the Palliative Care Team at Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital, The Norfolk Hospice, and the Healing Harbour charity – and is keen to support more organisations to embed future care planning in their work.

A big part of Adam’s role is helping organisations improve the support they provide to their communities. By sharing tools like the Handbook and training, he aims to make it easier for frontline teams to open up important conversations, help people take control of their later life plans and support the wellbeing of individuals and their families.

To get to know Adam better, we asked him a few quick questions!

Q: What opportunities do you see for forging new partnerships in Norfolk around future care planning?

A: Lots! I see real opportunity in bringing together local organisations, such as GP surgeries, libraries, and small community groups, to make future care planning more visible and accessible. I’d like to build bridges between health, social care, and voluntary groups so that planning for the future becomes part of everyday conversation rather than something people only face in a crisis.

Q: How can the My Future Care Handbook help organisations improve the way they support their communities?

A: The Handbook makes those tough conversations around future care much easier by providing a structure that organisations can lean on for stability. What’s also great is the free training that comes with it. Organisations will find this very useful in supporting their community.

Q: What excites you most about building these connections as part of your Ambassador role?

What excites me most is the chance to connect with people. I’m very much a people person, and I enjoy meeting new groups and seeing the ways they care for others in their community. The Handbook is such a powerful tool to start open and honest conversations about future planning, and I’m genuinely excited to see the positive impact it will have across Norfolk.

If you’re in Norfolk and would like to explore how My Future Care can support your organisation, send Adam a message now.

If you’ve joined one of our My Future Care training sessions, then you’ve already met our fantastic lead trainer, Nancy Cunningham.

Originally from Canada and now living in South London, Nancy brings a wealth of experience to her role – from teaching and creative facilitation to supporting people with disabilities and leading culture change projects in care homes. A passionate advocate for people living with dementia and a firm believer in the power of open conversations, Nancy’s personal and professional experiences shape her warm, compassionate approach to future care planning.

As our lead trainer, Nancy delivers free online training to help groups, community organisations, and health and care providers support people to use the My Future Care Handbook as a guide to plan for the future. The training is practical, person-centred, and suitable for everyone – from experienced palliative care professionals to new volunteers who simply want to help others feel more prepared and confident.

The feedback on Nancy’s training speaks for itself:

“The training provided a useful understanding and introduction to the Handbook and enabled us to develop a framework for our workshops.” – Sage House, Tangmere

“The My Future Care Buddy training has been fundamental – it provided a catalyst for individuals to explore in a safe environment their own understanding of what Advance Care Planning is.” – Healing Harbour Charity

We caught up with Nancy to ask about her experience working with the My Future Care Handbook, and to gather some of her top tips for those supporting future care planning in their communities.

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What are the most common barriers to sorting out our future care plans – and what practical tips help overcome them?

Nancy: Many people say, “It’s all a bit overwhelming – I don’t know where to start.” That’s completely normal. The key is to break things down into smaller, manageable parts. That’s exactly what the My Future Care Handbook is designed to help with – supporting people to navigate their priorities at their own pace.

Another common one is, “My family knows what I want.” But we often find that different family members have different views, which can lead to confusion or conflict. If it’s not documented, health professionals may end up making key decisions instead.

Some people say, “I’ll do it when I’m older,” or “I just don’t have time.” The truth is, we never know what tomorrow will bring. And while we all live busy lives, it’s about choosing to prioritise this – even in small steps.

And finally, there are those who say, “I don’t want to think about it.” This often stems from understandable fear or discomfort. But once the conversation begins, people usually feel a real sense of relief and reassurance.

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Can you share a moment when using the My Future Care Handbook made a real difference to someone?

Nancy: I supported a woman I’ll call Maxine, whose sister had recently died in a car accident. She had done no future care planning, and it left her family with so much uncertainty. Maxine realised how important it was to get her own plans in place, but she didn’t know where to begin.

We worked through the Handbook together, talked about her priorities, and created an Action Plan. I supported her over a few Zoom sessions – just being there as a ‘friendly nag’, giving her the space and encouragement she needed.

Six months later, Maxine emailed me to say she’d been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She thanked me and the Handbook for helping her prepare and make her wishes known. “Life is funny that way,” she wrote. “Everything happens for a reason.” That message has always stayed with me.

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For those new to future care planning, what are your top tips for starting conversations with confidence and compassion?

Nancy: First, take time to build a connection. Ask about someone’s life – their family, work, or what’s brought them to this point. Trust is key.

If they have the Handbook, a great place to start is page 12, which outlines different planning topics. That helps you get a feel for what matters most to them.

And finally, active listening is vital. Ask open questions, give people space to speak, and really hear what they’re saying. Reflecting back helps build understanding and shows that you’re walking alongside them, not leading the way.

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Want to learn more?

Whether you’re a local charity, a social prescriber, a care provider, or anyone with a community support role, our training can help your team enable people to plan ahead with confidence. Thanks to our funding partners, this training is completely free to attend.

👉 View current training dates and learn more about the My Future Care Service

Or get in touch at info@mycarematters.org to discuss how we can support your organisation.

We believe that when we plan for tomorrow, we can start living better today. Planning for our future isn’t just about end of life – it’s about supporting our physical and mental wellbeing throughout the rest of our lives.

That includes tuning into the everyday things that support our wellbeing, like what we eat, how we move and even our sensory needs.

In this thoughtful guest article, Wellbeing Practitioner Mel Charters explores how simple sensory experiences – especially through aromatherapy – can make a meaningful difference to our quality of life, including if and when we need care and support from others.

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A Sensory Journey

Exploring and acknowledging the importance of our sensory world plays a vital part
in helping us to manage our everyday lives and support others with theirs.

It also enables us to support a person-centred approach to later life planning, of
benefit to both the individual and their carers at all stages, and can complement any
existing care planning.

The scope of this subject is vast, as is the evidence base!

But today, if we look at sensory awareness and wellbeing in everyday life, we can
see how powerful small changes and explorations can be in supporting people’s
wellbeing.

Let us take a look at Aromatherapy.

The term essentially means bringing about a positive physiological therapeutic effect
by means of a fragrance origin, natural or synthetic or a combination.
As an Aromatherapist, I work primarily with essential oils which are the very
concentrated oils derived from plants and resins.

The medium by which these oils can be utilised could be via massage, bathing or
inhalation, with due regard to safe use and appropriate dilution.

Our sense of smell is very powerful and evocative!

A favourite fragrance may invoke a feeling of calm and familiarity, of comfort and
relaxation.

Combined with safe touch, for example gentle hand massage, it can elicit a profound
sense of wellbeing and play a part in helping to address anxiety and support pain
management.

Aromatherapy and massage have long been established in hospices, oncology units
and as part of a tool kit within other multi-disciplinary settings.

Workshops and Taster sessions are fabulous ways of exploring aromatherapy,
eliciting memories, associations, referencing our diverse cultures and traditions;
exploring social history and providing opportunities for connection and sharing.
A person’s profile and personalised care and support planning can incorporate
aspects of aromatherapy and wellbeing which can help a person transitioning to care
facility or adapt to life change.

Some examples.

Pam and Harj

Pam had a fall in her garden.

The resulting hospital admission and stay were very stressful for her as she is fiercely
independent and tends to her garden regularly, getting great joy from it, particularly
her cultivation of rosemary, lavender and other culinary herbs.

Whilst in the hospital, having checked with the care team, Pam’s daughter Harj gave
her mum a gentle hand massage with a lavender oil blend during visits.

She showed Pam a video on her phone of her grandchildren tending to her plants
and having fun with the water hose!

Her daughter packed a dried lavender bag in Pam’s fresh laundry so that the
fragrance would permeate.

David and John

John and his dad David, attend a group for people with moderate dementia and their
carers.

They attend a workshop on Aromatherapy, where David enjoys smelling and
identifying different fragrances and reminiscing about some of the fragrances of his
youth such as Sunlight laundry soap, camphor blocks around his neck for colds and
the smell of hops from the local brewery!

John’s feedback to the staff was that he was surprised and delighted, as he felt that
his dad had been more animated and engaged than he had been for a long time, and
it has given John an insight into conversations and approaches he could adopt at
home with his dad, particularly as a distraction during difficult times and helping to lift
his dad’s mood at other times.

The group also went on a trip to a local museum, which again ignited David’s
memories, and he was an active participant in the reminiscence sessions.

OK, a little thought to finish.

We all benefit from principles of aromatherapy even if we don’t recognise it as
such. Olbas oil, Vicks, perfume, cologne, … And what lures us to the baked goods in supermarkets and coffee shops?!!

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By Mel Charters 2025©

Mel is a Wellbeing Practitioner based in the West Midlands. She offers Bespoke Workshops within the Community, including Staff sessions, consultancy and personalised Wellbeing options.

Contact Mel for further details of how she may support your Project or Service: melcharters@msn.com